Dealing with differences in a Relationship
Faisal and Ghazala have been married for 12 years and have generally had a happy and fulfilling relationship. However, there have been a few instances where Faisal has disrespected or insulted Ghazala's choices, causing her to feel hurt and frustrated. In Islam, it is important for both husband and wife to show respect and kindness towards each other, as emphasized in the Qur'an: "And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may find tranquillity in them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts" (30:21).
One day, after Faisal makes a snide comment about Ghazala's decision to pursue a degree, Ghazala decides to address the issue. She sits down with Faisal and begins the conversation.
Ghazala: "Faisal, there is something that I need to discuss with you that has been weighing on my mind. I feel like you have been disrespecting my choices lately, and it has been really hurtful. Could we discuss this?"
Faisal: "Could you clarify what you mean?"
Ghazala: "Yes sure, when I mentioned to you that I would start taking classes for my degree, you made a sarcastic remark about it. It made me feel like you don't think I'm capable or that my goals aren't important. And it's not just this one incident–there have been a few other times where you've made similar comments or dismissed my ideas. It has hurt my feelings and made me feel disrespected."
Faisal: "I was just unsure about your childish idea, because you have big kids, and after a long married life you are deciding to go back to college or university and continuing or pursuing that is not a good idea, and overall, I am giving you all luxuries and facilities in your life then, how can you are thinking or decided about it like this and that?"
Ghazala: "While I understand that you may have had some concerns, it is crucial for the health of our relationship that you show support and respect for my decisions. It is important to me that we both strive to understand and respect each other's choices." It's okay to have different opinions, but it's not okay for you to disrespect my choices or make me feel small. Could we work on finding a way to support each other and respect each other's decisions?"
Faisal: "Of course, Ghazala. As a husband, it is my responsibility to support and respect my wife according to the teachings of Islam. I'll try to be more mindful of how my words and actions are affecting you, and I'll do my best to respect your choices and goals. I love you and want to be a good husband and be there for you in every way I can."
Ghazala: "Thank you, Faisal. I appreciate that. Both of us need to be able to communicate openly and honestly and respect each other's decisions and boundaries. It's not always easy, but I think it's worth it to work on building a healthy, supportive relationship because in Islam, it is also important to strive for harmony and resolution in relationships, so I appreciate your willingness to work on this together."
Faisal: "I agree, Ghazala. Let's continue to communicate openly and honestly, and make sure that we are both getting our needs met by respecting each other's boundaries and decisions, Alhamdulillah, we could make and build a strongest and more fulfilled relationship."
In conclusion,
Setting boundaries is an essential aspect of building healthy and respectful relationships and doesn't mean being rude or disrespectful towards others. It involves being able to communicate and assertively express your needs and feelings, as well as respecting yourself and others. In Islam, it emphasized that we should be kind in our communication, as stated in the Qur'an: "And good and evil are not equal. Repel evil with what is better" (41:34). By following this guidance, we can set boundaries in a way that is healthy and respectful, both to ourselves and others. This may also include practising mindfulness, seeking support from friends and family, or seeking professional help if needed. Taking care of our own emotional well-being can equip us to support and respect the emotional well-being of others. By working on these skills and being open and honest with each other, Faisal and Ghazala were able to address their issue and find a resolution that works for both of them. By respecting each other's boundaries and decisions, they can build a stronger, more supportive relationship that is in line with Islamic teachings on love and respect in marriage.
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